Chapter 1 Edit
One day, Kelly was driving over to the mall, however, she gets into a hugeeee accident with a trucker! The trucker gets out of his truck....he's completley frustrated. The trucker tells her, "LADY! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!". Kelly responds, "Sir, I'm sorry, it was a complete accident! I was just putting on lipstick and talking on the phone so I dint mean to kkkay?". The trucker sighs, and tells her, "Lady.....go over there. Pretend you're in a circle. Remember! You can't get out!". Kelly giggles and walks over to the spot. She eyes the man, and gets scarred as he takes a knife from his car. The trucker would agressivley puncture each of her tires, however, something's wrong! Kelly is laughing! The trucker turns around and asks her, "LADY, WHAT IN TARNATION IS WRONG WITH YOU?!". Kelly tells him, "Nothing! Nothing, I'm sorry!". The trucker responds "That's what I thought.....". He takes out a bat, and destroys all of her windows, but she laughs again. The trucker just gives up. He goes into he car with his chainsaw, and completley destroys the seats. Kelly laughs even harder. The trucker turns around, and asks her, "WHAT IS SOO FUNNY???!!!". Kelly would give up, and she'd tell him, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle....I'm sorry, okay?". The trucker cries, and calls a tow-truck. Eventually he leaves, but she just stays in the high-way texting. Eventually, her friends pick her up.
Kelly thanks them, "Thanks Clowy! Thank's Alexa! Thanks Clarie!". They arrive at the mall, and see a perfect parking space. Alexa points over to the parking space, and tells them "Look! That one has blue lines! I love blue!". They then drive over to the parking space, because it was blue. They have a great time at dade-land mall; they spent nearly $5,000 at Macy's!
Eventually, they get out of the mall, and find that their car was gone. Clarie sees that it's a handicap parking space, "Ohhh no, Alexa you never told us that the blue meant wheelchairs only!". Alexa would cry, and she'd apologize, "I'm sorry, Clarie!". Kelly would stand up, and she'd tell them; "Hey, stop crying! Maybe they just stole it... I'm calling 911!". Kelly would grab her phone, and she stops after typing in "9". "Darn....there's no 11 button!! ughhh!! I hate this phone!!!". Kelly throws her iPhone 4 into the sewer in anger.
The poor women spend nearly 8 hours running down the highway with their bags, and deside to spend the night at Kelly's house, since they live blocks away and couldn't take walking anymore. Clarie takes a shower, and comes out shivering. Her hair is messed up. Kelly confronts her, "Clarie what happened to you?! You're cold!". Clarie tells her, "The water was cold! Even when I told it to get hot, it didn't obey!". Kelly tells her, "Oh...I feel you...the same thing happens to me like once a week, so the plumber and I are close!". Alexa would go running to Kelly, and tells her, "Kelly! Kelly! The light went out!". Kelly nods, and she gets on the table with the lightbulb in hand. Alexa spins the table around with Kelly on it so that she screws the lightbulb in.
The three then go to the couch, and watch "Girl's night out". They have fun, and laugh. Eventually they go to sleep. The next day, they wake up and go to colledge, where they encounter their worst enemy, Laquanda Wilson. The three see Laquanda, and begin to make fun of her. She's black. Kelly tells her, "Why is asprin white?". Laquanda sighs, and asks, "Why....". Kelly responds, "Because it works hard!". The three then laugh. Clowie then tells Laquanda, "What do you call a black person with pimples?! Crunch Chocolate!". The three laugh even harder. This results in a heavy beating;
Laquanda injures Kelly, and Kelly lightly pushes her,
Laquanda grabs Clarie's and Alexa's head, and slams them together.
Laquanda walks off.
Eventually the three are taken to the hospital, and Laquanda is kicked out of Colledge. The doctor puts ice on Alexa & Clarie's head, where as he asks Kelly, "So, what seems to be the problem?". Kelly would tell the doctor, "I'm hurting all over!". The doctor responds, "I never heard about this... Explain, please!". She shows him by touching her elbow, and her knee with her finger. Both times, she screamed out in pain.
The doctor looks at her, and tells her, "Lady....you're not hurting all over. Your finger is broken.....". Kelly would remark, "Ooooooh!! I didn't know!". Kelly pays the bill, and is given surgery.
The next day, Kelly goes to the library by herself, and grabs a book from the office, thinking that it was free. She then goes outside, and ignores the alarm. At home, she reads it, and finds it really boring. She goes back to the library, and tells the librarian, "THIS IS HORRIBLE, WHAT IS THIS!?". The librarian would tell her, "Why, whats so wrong with the book?". Kelly would tell her, "It's supper like long or whatever and It's got no story line at all!" The librarian takes the book, and tells her, "Oh...I see...your the one who took the phone book..". Kelly then remarks, "Well it sucks, the phone book better not get an award.".
She'd get into her bran-new car, and begins texting and driving. She drives over to the turnpike curve while texting. While going straight at it, she keeps texting, and briefly looks up. She goes back to texting, and realizes what she's doing! She quickly grabs the wheel and does a 360 degree turn, burning major rubber, and nearly crashing into 3 cars. She lands on the grassy area, gets out panting, and texts once more. She then gets in, and drives away at 90mph.
She finally arrives home, and gets a phone call. She begins crying. Inside are her friends, and they ask her, "Kelly, what's wrong?!". Kelly responds, "My mommy died!!". The three begin crying because Kelly is crying. After a while, they all cheer up, and decide to go out to eat sushi. They see the waitress, and start to talk to her with a chinese accent, thinking that she would understand them better. Kelly tells her, "Me want da suchii weeth ricee! chin chin chong chang chang!".
The waitress nearly cries because of the stupidity she had to go through with them.
When the blondes arrive home at 7:00pm, Kelly gets another call. She begins to cry even harder. Clowie and Alexa ask her, "Whats wrong, Kelly? Sad again? If anything, we're like sooo totally BFF's and we are like sooo here!". Kelly tells them, "It was my sister.....*sniff sniff*.....HER MOTHER DIED, TOO!!". Kelly would cry even harder, and the others would confort her.
Three days later, they head over to the funeral. Kelly is crying her eyes out. Clowie would go to confront her; "Kelly, it's going to be alright...you like have us!". Kelly would respond, "Oh...thanks, Clowie..". Kelly would grab the body from the coffin, and she'd throw it on the floor. Everyone gasps. She begins to kiss her mom on the mouth. Clowie would look at her with a "wtf" face, and she'd tell her, "Hey, no need to love that much". Kelly would turn around, and she'd tell her, "I'm giving her CPR, so maybe she'll come back to life!".
Clowie then tells her, "Oh, your sooo totally smart, I'm helping!". The two girls begin to beat the body's chest, and would begin to blow in air for almost to hours. The janitor would come, and he'd tell them, "Ladys! THE BODY HAS NO ORGANS!".
Kelly would begin to cry. Clowie would then look at the Janitor, and she'd tell him; "Stupid! Look at what you did! She thought her mom needed fresh air, but no! You don't like that!". Kelly would get up, and leave with Clowie.
The next day, Kelly goes out to buy herself a pair of Aligator shoes. Every store's price is too much for Kelly to handle. Suddently, after arriving at the 10th store, she tells the Clerk; "Look! I don't know what's wrong with these prices, but I might aswell go over to a swamp with a shot-gun, and kill aligators myself to get the shoes at the price I want them!". The clerk then responds, "Well, I hope you succeed. Hey, maybe you'll catch a big one!". She then leaves.
Later on that day, the Clerk gets into his car. On his way over to his house, he abruptly stops because he sees that Kelly is in the swamp, holding a shot-gun. Suddently, he gasps as he sees a 10ft tall aligator rising up from above the water. With one shot Kelly kills it. The Clerk would think to himself, "Woah...she's good... wait!". He looks over to the left, and there's a pile of dead aligators.
He then hears Kelly crying out, "DARNIT!!! THIS ONE DOESN'T HAVE SHOES EITHER!!!!! UGHHHHHH!!!". Kelly begins to cry.
The Clerk simply drives away, pretending nothing happened.